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Confidence

How to Tap the Power of Your Smile

Use your smile to change the world. Don’t let the world change your smile.

          — Anonymous


Working with a CEO on her conference speech recently, I urged her to smile more during her opening, despite her nervousness. She protested that her smile would look “phony” to her audience because she felt some anxiety.

But after some deep breathing and a couple of run-throughs, she was comfortable and radiated a warm, confident smile. It made a huge difference in connecting with her audience.

Smiles are that important. Substantial research shows that simply initiating a smile in a meeting, presentation, chance encounter, or other social interaction can have a dramatic impact on the outcome for us and others.

Research also finds that smiling has positive effects on our brains, our lives, and our success.

Charles Darwin initiated our modern “science of smiling” in the 1800’s. He noticed that unlike learned cultural behavior like gestures or touch, smiling and its effects are universal.

Ron Gutman gave this interesting 2011 TED Talk on the benefits of smiling. He notes that smiling is also one of the most frequent forms of communication, particularly for children.

“More than 30 percent of us smile more than 20 times a day,” Gutman said. “In fact, those with the greatest superpowers are actually children, who smile as many as 400 times per day!”

As human beings, we are hardwired for smiling from the start. Babies begin smiling fully at five weeks old and babies born blind smile like sighted infants. It’s said that babies learn that crying gets the attention of adults but smiling keeps it.

This holds true throughout life. We’ve all felt the effect of someone speaking with a broad smile. Their face lights up, energy enters the room, and we feel our mood brighten.

There’s little downside to smiling, and a whole lot of upside, so let me give you four reasons to smile more often, especially when you’re involved in an important presentation or conversation.

Smiling makes you more likable
We naturally find people with sincere smiles to be more likable, which is critical to your success in business and life.

Smiling is positively contagious
Like a yawn, a smile can be contagious. When we see someone smile, it lightens the mood and makes others more likely to smile. At the very least, research finds that a smile reduces the likelihood that someone will frown at you.

Smiling increases your confidence
Just as our body language increases our confidence, our smiles improve how we feel. Research has shown that simply holding a smile, real or manufactured, reduces stress and produces positive emotions in our brains. Of course, a smile will also make others perceive you as being more confident.

Smiling can change the way you see the world
Some research suggests that your smile may actually change the way your brain interprets other people’s emotional responses to you. You’ll view other people’s expressions toward you more positively. 

Take action:

  • How often do you smile every day?

  • Are you among the top 30 percent who smile 20 times a day? 

  • This week, notice people who have great smiles and how they affect you and others.

  • Add an intentional smile to a critical situation and see what happens.

That’s how you tap into the power of your smile.
 
To share your thoughts directly with me please use my contact page.


How to Develop Grit in Your Work and Your Life

Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. –– Tim Notke
 
 
A close family member of mine is a former U.S. Navy SEAL. He helped me overcome a fear of heights by teaching me to rappel on the cliffs in San Diego near his base, but that’s a story for another day.
 
Over the years, he’s described the extremely challenging physical and mental nature of his training, including seven days of constant physical activity with a total of some three hours of sleep the entire week. This is why they call it “Hell Week.”
 
Not surprisingly, the most recent Navy statistics say that on average 80 percent of SEAL trainees will fail to complete the first phase of training, including Hell Week. That means that in a class of 150 enrollees, only thirty candidates will remain after the first eight weeks of training. 
 
Candidates might include triathletes, former Olympians, huge bodybuilders like The Rock, and others. Surprisingly, these gifted athletes are often among the first to “ring the bell,” which signifies that they have given up. Instead,those who survive the constant cold, wet, sandy, harassment-filled beach experience have one consistent quality: mental toughness. They have the goal of becoming a Navy SEAL and nothing will dissuade them. They are relentless.
 
Navy SEALs have grit
The term “grit” has become popular in the business world since researcher and psychologist Angela Duckworth in 2016 released her book, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. She set out to explore the biggest predictor for successful people – to determine if it was talent or if it was effort?
 
Spoiler alert: through her research, Duckworth concluded that effort beats talent. In determining success, perseverance continually triumphs over natural talent. Grit is what characterizes achievement, over and over again.

Sometimes success means just don’t quit, keep showing up.
 
So what is grit and, more importantly, is it possible to increase grit in yourself or others?
 
First, Duckworth defines grit as “passion and perseverance for very long-term goals.” 
 
Second, can you develop and grow grit? I know this is a question many leaders have both at work, and in raising children who they might suspect have had too little opportunity to experience adversity and develop grit.
 
The good news, according to Duckworth, is that grit can be developed. To grow grit, she identifies four psychological assets:
 
Interest: develop a fascination
While most would love to follow their passion in selecting a career, many eighteen-year-olds have little idea as to what their passion might be. Duckworth’s advice is to foster a passion. Many find the advice of “following your passion” to be foolish, but there seems to be practical value in developing a passion.
 
As Duckworth explains, “nobody works doggedly on something they don’t find intrinsically interesting.” It’s hard to have grit when you’re just not interested in something.
 
If you want a child to practice and persevere in something, they must have some kind of interest in it. Most successful people are interested in what they do. 
 
Practice: strive for daily improvement
You are no doubt familiar with the “ten-thousand-hour rule,” popularized by Malcolm Gladwell in his book, Outliers: The Story of Success.This rule explains that to master a sport or instrument, one must spend ten thousand hours practicing.
 
However, this has been misconstrued by people who believe the fallacy that if they just do something for ten thousand hours,they will be masters.  The fact is that masters practice in a challenging, focused way.
 
The cognitive psychologist Anders Ericsson developed the concept of deliberate practice. Experts practice by concentrating on improving specific weak spots and continue until they fix them. Then they set out to identify and improve their next weakness. 
 
This explains why people with grit are committed to continuous improvement. Journalist Hester Lacey interviewed many successful people and saw that all were determined to get better, even when they were already performing at a high level. “It’s a persistent desire to do better,” Lacey explained. “It’s the opposite of being complacent.”
 
As Duckworth notes, “Grit is living life like it’s a marathon, not a sprint.” 
 
Purpose: remind yourself of the higher purpose
A sense of purpose also helps fuel passion. Duckworth defines purpose as “the idea that what we do matters to people other than ourselves.” While many believe purpose is fixed, it can be cultivated through deliberate steps.
 
Duckworth uses the parable of the bricklayers to illustrate her point:
 
Three bricklayers are asked: ‘What are you doing?’
The first says, ‘I am laying bricks.’
The second says, ‘I am building a church.’
And the third says, ‘I am building the house of God.’
 
The first has a job, the second has a career, and the third bricklayer has a calling. Finding purpose in your work has a lot to do with perspective.
 
One such exercise is something psychologists call “job crafting.” It’s about finding little but meaningful ways of tweaking your current position to improve connection to your values. No matter what you do, there’s always some way to personalize your job. 
 
Hope: adopt a growth mindset
Hope is based on the idea that things will improve and life will be better. For those with grit, hope is about continually trying to make tomorrow better instead of just wishing it to be better. Duckworth uses this Japanese phrase to show what gritty hope is: “fall seven, rise eight.” 
 
One way to equip ourselves is to develop a growth mindset instead of a fixed one. A growth mindset allows us to believe that things can change and we have a direct impact on our lives and the world; we’re not helpless. 
 
With a growth mindset, you believe people can change. They can learn more and do better if they believe it and are given the opportunity and resources to do so. 
 
With interest, practice, purpose, and hope, grit is attainable. It’s putting in the effort and staying with something over a long period of time. 
 
What about you?
 
How have you seen grit in action?
 
How will you help to develop grit in yourself? In your team members? Or in your family?
 
To share your thoughts and stories with me, please use my contact page to reach me directly.


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How to Build Your Confidence in Public Speaking

Nervousness. Anxiety. Fear.

It happens to all of us when we think about public speaking of any kind. Some people get more nervous than others but in one way or another we all experience some version of this, even with CEOs doing presentations.

One of the major contributing factors, based on my coaching and training with thousands of clients over the years, is the fear that your mind will go blank – that you will forget what you were saying. And you have no idea what to say next. That would be embarrassing! Humiliating! Career ending!

These are some of the terms my clients use to describe this situation. Sometimes they laugh when they say these things, but it’s a nervous laugh that masks the fear we all have.

Paralyzed by fear and public speaking anxiety

This is serious fear that paralyzes many people, so they are not as successful as they want to be because they avoid opportunities to voice their ideas. Their anxiety about public speaking stops them cold. They’ll let someone else give that outline of the project’s success or they’ll let others speak up in meetings.

It’s often surprising to hear this fear because it’s often voiced by people who are experts in their fields. If you ask a question about their work in simple conversation, they’d be able to give you eloquent answers with as much information as necessary. They could go on all day.

But for some reason, standing in front of a group or looking around the table in a simple meeting make peoples’ minds go blank. In a second, I’ll give you a simple tool to help with this problem to help you build and maintain your confidence.

Prepare and rehearse your presentation

But first let me say, the ideal answer takes a lot of work. To fully address this problem, you should spend the time preparing and rehearsing your presentation so that you know it inside and out.

When working through a process like that, I recommend beginning with a full written text of the remarks you intend to make, if that makes you feel more confident, or go straight to bullet points. Then take that text and boil it down to bullet points. Then, take those bullet points and turn them into simple phrases.

This works especially well with material that you know and which is in your area of expertise, or that you have presented before. With new material, you may need to keep some bullet points or other support in front of you.

Build your confidence

But I promised a “simple” solution. This is what I recommend to my clients and what I use myself: a confidence card. This is an index card that contains the key ideas and flow of your presentation or your response in a meeting.

I use a card like this myself for my keynote and training workshops. I used a confidence card recently in a 45-minute presentation on “tapping the power of storytelling.” I could use this card to speak from 15 minutes to 60 minutes, depending on the need.

While this is a simple solution, it still takes a lot of work. As Mark Twain said, “I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.”

Confidence card

It takes time to lay out your topic and to create a brief version that will keep you on track. I’ve been successfully using this confidence-card concept for many years. I even use this on CEO presentations.

It’s great for your meetings with the boss, a client or with groups. It allows you to simply and clearly map out what you’re going to say and in what order.

Sometimes you want to have this card in front of you, but more often I recommend simply keeping the card in your pocket. Use it as needed. I put mine in my breast shirt pocket if I have one, so it’s close to my heart and I feel the confidence. ;-)

I’ll just take it out if I’m completely lost. There’s nothing wrong with pulling out the card and telling people, “I want to make sure I covered everything I want you to know.”

I always say that your greatest confidence comes from being well prepared and rehearsed. A confidence card will help you feel you have a path to find your way home if you get a little lost when speaking.

So, how do you keep notes?

What do you do to stay on track?

If you want to let me know how you handle this or if you have a story to share, reach out to me on our contact page and I’ll get right back to you.

Leadership Lessons from Southwest Airlines Flight 1380

As a leadership coach and speaker, I’m on the road virtually every week and, if I’m traveling in the U.S., I’ll likely be on Southwest Airlines. It’s been my go-to carrier since forming my consulting practice 14 years ago. 

That’s why I paid particular attention to a CBS morning interview, which I happened to catch live in an airport, with the whole crew of Southwest Flight 1380.

You might recall SWA #1380 was the plane that had an engine explosion that took the life of a passenger on April 17. My condolences to the family of that passenger, Jennifer Riodan, whose death was the first fatality on a U.S. airline since 2009. As the captain said in her interview, "The survival of 148 never eclipses the loss of one.”

Lessons in leadership
As I listened to the interview with the five crew members, I realized I was hearing powerful lessons of leadership, teamwork, and communication in the workplace. I re-watched the interview that night in my hotel room, taking careful notes, so that I could share them with you.

The flight had taken off from New York's LaGuardia Airport. After reaching cruising altitude the left engine exploded, sending debris through a passenger window. This caused the plane to lose cabin pressure and oxygen masks fell from the ceiling.

Try to imagine how you might react in this terrifying situation as a pilot, a flight attendant, or a passenger. You hear a loud explosion, the plane banks steeply, your ears pop from sudden decompression, wind and debris are blowing through the cabin, and you are looking for some sense of reassurance that you will survive.

Many passengers began texting what they thought might have been their final messages to their loved ones.

Here are some of the leadership lessons I heard from the crew of Flight 1380:

Calm leadership in the cockpit
Though this crew had never worked together before, they reported a sense of calm and confidence throughout the flight, conveyed from the cockpit to the flight attendants to the passengers. 

The plane was piloted by Capt. Tammie Jo Shults and first officer Darren Ellisor. Shults was one of the first women Navy fighter pilots, who flew F/A-18 Hornets and trained other military pilots. She said her military training kicked in immediately.

"I have been in cockpits where the dynamics of the flight are not normal and they also make it hard to even see or read the instrumentation. So that certainly helped to kind of keep my calm when this sudden explosion happened, and we are moving in a radical way and we're not in balanced flight," she said. 

Her first officer Ellisor was at the controls when the engine exploded. The plane, which was on auto-pilot, suddenly veered to the left, the wing banked 40 degrees, and the plane began to descend. Ellisor took manual control of the plane and he and Shults assessed the situation and began to work through their checklists. They determined Philadelphia was the best emergency landing spot and began their procedures.

"Initially our job is to get on oxygen to take care of ourselves first," Ellisor said, "communicate with ourselves, and once we take care of the plane and get the first initial checklist, then our job is to talk to the flight attendants and find out, okay, what's going on back there, how are you doing."

Communicate with the team
Shults said her first officer made sure the team was informed. "He made keeping in contact with the flight attendants his priority," Shults said.

"He took care of switches, checklists, but he was always available when they called so that he could answer their questions, he could give them information because it's so different when you're in the back and you don't see what's happening, you have no control of what's happening and you don't know what they're doing or thinking about, so he kept them calm," she said.

That communication gave the flight attendants the knowledge and assurance to help their passengers. “We had confidence we were all going to make it. We had faith and confidence in our pilots. We kept that confidence the whole way through and let them (the passengers) know,” said flight attendant Seanique Mallory.
 
Build trust before you need it
Captain Shults said the airline’s usual procedure is to have a “huddle” first thing in the morning to discuss the routes and the weather, which they did prior to their first morning trip from Nashville to La Guardia. 
 
But Shults thinks it’s important for leaders to get to know their team on another level. “The protocol at Southwest is to have a morning brief, but I tend to go deeper just because people are deeper than the weather. We spoke about things that were a little more interesting than just the weather. 
 
"In LaGuardia, when we had a little extra time, we were chatting, and Rachel had gotten a new Bible with room to journal on the side, and she and Seanique and then Kathryn was talking about she was in a study of Psalms, which is where I'm doing a study in Psalms and Proverbs," Shults said. 

Creating a bond of trust
"When you talk about things deeper than the weather, your family and faith, the things that matter to you, even if they're different, it tends to bring a bond."

The crew’s shared values had given them a bond and a deeper sense of confidence when tragedy struck.

"Well, it was the peace that God had given us all. It's a peace that surpasses all understanding. Like Tammie Jo said, we came together beforehand and we all talked about God, and not knowing what was going to happen minutes later, God had already prepared us without us even knowing," Mallory said.

Trust enables communication
"We didn't have to communicate verbally with each other because we just had trust and we were able to just do what we needed to do. But to communicate with our passengers we had to have a very loud, stern but caring voice," said flight attendant Rachel Fernheimer.

"I would just grab their hands even if I had to stretch over into a window seat and I would just look into some of their bloodshot eyes and say, 'Look at me. We're going to be okay. We're going to make it. We are going to Philadelphia and we are here together.' 

“And I think that was the most important thing was to just – even though our ears had popped from the rapid decompression and there was wind and debris all throughout the cabin, in the midst of chaos you have to just look at someone. And I think eye contact was the biggest communication during that," Fernheimer said.

“We had to take ourselves out of the equation and realize it wasn’t about us at that moment, it was all about our passengers.”
 
Flight attendant Kathryn Sandoval agreed, “The way we all remained calm, reflected on the passengers because they saw we were calm.”
 
As a leader or team member you’ll hopefully never face a crisis as terrifying as Flight #1380, but you can apply these important lessons in creating calm and confidence with your leadership, teamwork, and communication.

You can watch the interview here:
 Southwest Flight Crew on CBS TV interview
 

To share your thoughts with John or join John's exclusive weekly newsletter, Sunday Coffee, use our Contact Form.

Keep Showing Up

80 percent of success is just showing up.— Anonymous
 
 
Desiree Linden, who this week became the first American woman to win the Boston Marathon in 33 years, had thought of leaving the race early on. She had every reason to quit: It was cold, rainy, and windy, and she wasn’t feeling well.
 
But Linden has a philosophy that keeps her going. As she Tweeted on March 5th:
 
Some days it just flows and I feel like I’m born to do this, other days it feels like I’m trudging through hell. Every day I make the choice to show up and see what I’ve got, and to try and be better. My advice: keep showing up.
 
This is my philosophy as well. Just show up every day and do the work. The results will take care of themselves. Too many of us live in the future, or regret the past, and forget to just show up in the present.
 
Don’t quit
Linden could have quit in 2011, when she missed first place in the Boston Marathon by seconds. But instead, the two-time Olympian kept coming back.
 
True to her philosophy, she ran in this week’s race, despite facing especially tough conditions:
 
It was such a miserable day, and when things go awry, they can kind of ding you up for a while and also take time out of your career. I'm on the back half of my career, so I have to be super careful at this point. And early on, I was freezing and my muscles were tight, and I was like 'This isn't – this is not my day.' So, I did kind of toy around with the idea of stepping off.
 
Instead, Linden decided to help fellow American runner Shalane Flanagan:
 
We had talked about it a little earlier on in the race when I knew I might be stepping off. I said, ‘Hey, if you need help with anything along the way, I'm happy to run through the wind for you and just kind of be a block or whatever you might need.’
 
And so she nudged me later and said, ‘Hey, I'm going to do the port-a-potty thing.’ And I was like, ‘OK, well, I'll try to run you back into the group.’ And we got back up there. We reconnected. There was just so much pride on the American side this year. We wanted it so bad. Thirty-three years since an American winner, and I felt like there was some team camaraderie out there.’
 
Show up for one more minute
Linden said that earlier in her career she would obsess about whether she was having a positive day or a negative day, but finally decided to put an end to her obsessing:
 
I decided to stop thinking about each day so much, and just keep showing up. Like, whatever the day gave me, just show up. That's kind of how I attacked the race, too. Once I got over the fact that I wasn't going to drop out, it was like, ‘Just show up for one more mile. Show up for one more minute.’ And that was kind of my mantra throughout this entire build and through the entire race day on Monday.
 
Creating habits
We can all learn a deep lesson from Linden’s approach. There’s power in creating habits that allow us to show up. I ran a marathon and a few half-marathons, and I know that consistent training is the key to success.
 
It’s like that in life, too.
 
We stop ourselves from taking action.
 
We hesitate and play out the negative scenarios that will take place.
 
We imagine the worst; so we don’t show up.
 
We procrastinate.
 
We overthink.
 
We let inertia win.
 
Simply starting the process can be the greatest challenge in most of the personal and business challenges we face each day. Here are a few examples of situations where the hardest part is getting started:
 
An exercise workout? Getting dressed and traveling to the gym.
 
Volunteering to do that thing that scares you? Raising your hand.
 
Working on a major presentation? Putting your messages on paper.
 
This is why I advise college students to start internships and stick with them. When you show up in front of people, they see you and will begin to know, like, and trust you. It gives you a huge step above others for the next job.
 
I recently experienced this with a friend I’m mentoring. We were meeting at Starbucks and she told me she had applied for a part-time job she really wanted at a cool local small business. In fact, she had applied twice online. I told her she needed to walk in and meet the owners.
 
As we talked she became the negative spokesperson for business owners she had never met: She argued that they’re too busy; they probably didn’t like her background; they don’t think she’s qualified.
 
I said, “That’s it. Get your resume. I’m driving you over there right now.” We drove up. I parked. After some bolstering, she finally got out of the car and walked to the door. She looked back at me and made that uncertain face. I signaled to smile and be confident.
 
About 20 minutes later she came out with a smile but also a look of surprise on her face. They were going to hire her, pending a background check. She showed up!
 
Every Sunday?
One of the ways I decided to show up was writing this weekly newsletter almost three years ago. I had a friend who blogged weekly and I said, I could never do thatHow do you come up with ideas – EVERY WEEK?!!
 
He said you just show up and write. Once you get started, the process takes over and ideas will flow. Of course, he was right. I’ll be coaching a CEO or working with a team of leaders and someone will mention their fear, concern, or obstacle and I’ll say, “Thanks for the Sunday Coffee!” and I’ll write down the idea.
 
There are plenty of days I don’t feel like writing after a long week of travel, like this beautiful Saturday morning, but I keep showing up for you, my readers, but also as a commitment to myself.
 
Take action
 
How about you? Are you showing up and doing the work?
 
What have you been holding back on in business or in life?
 
Showing up is a full commitment, the discipline to be there when you don’t feel like it, to be all in.
 
Life is not always easy, but take Boston Marathon winner Desiree Linden’s advice: Keep showing up.

To share with me how you intend to show up you can send me a message on our contact form.

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Be a Calm, Assertive Leader

"Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm." – Publilius Syrus
 
 
I have a client who likes to say that leadership is easy…when you’re winning. The real test is when you’re down.
 
There is eternal truth in this. One of the greatest challenges for a leader is to maintain a sense of perspective and confidence when buffeted by the waves of change.
 
Today, these changes are coming fast and furious, including disruption of industries, global workforces, and incessant reorganizations, among others.
 
In discussing change management in a training class recently, I wrote on a flip chart the phrase: “Calm, Assertive Leadership” and a woman shouted, “The Dog Whisperer.” She was right. I was referring to Cesar Millan’s well-known TV show.
 
I read widely in my research on leadership and communication to bring the best ideas and strategies to my clients. As I read Cesar’s books and understood his approach, I saw very clearly that his methods give great insights into leadership and communication for humans. 
 
Be the pack leader
One of his books, in particular, said it all: Be the Pack Leader. Cesar notes that he doesn't train the dogs; he trains the owners – to be leaders of their dogs.
 

be the pack leader.jpeg

Think about this:
 
Your dog wants consistent energy. Cesar says that dogs sense the energy level of their owners and respond to what he calls “calm-assertive energy.” Instead, most people give their dogs the opposite. “They are emotional, easily upset and frustrated, panicky, weak, or angry,” which is disconcerting to the dogs.
 
Your dog wants clear messages. Cesar writes that “Dog leaders are also inconsistent with the messages they send, so their dogs don’t know what to expect from one minute to the next. Is my owner the pack leader? Am I the pack leader? A confused dog is an unhappy dog.”
 
Your dog sees your intent through body language and tone of voice.  One of my favorite Far Side cartoons features a man scolding his dog, saying “Okay, Ginger. I’ve had it. You stay out of the garbage…” In the next panel, we see what Ginger hears, which of course, is “Blah, blah, blah, Ginger.” Dogs don’t understand our words, but they know what we mean.
 
This is certainly good advice for dog owners, and you might try applying these insights. But I don’t focus on dogs, I focus on people.
 
So please do this at work and at home: Re-read those three points and instead of thinking “dog,” think “person/people.” Think about what you bring to your colleagues and family in these three areas.
 
If you did re-read those points, you'd recognize that we are much more aligned with our animal friends than we sometimes believe. 

Body language and intention
Scientific research – particularly neuroscience – is delving deeply into the incredible number of signals we humans send to one another through our energy, our intentions, and our body language and tone.

So much of what we convey comes not from the specific words, but the context and delivery of the message. In coaching leaders whose behavior doesn’t align with their words, I often say, “they can’t hear a word you’re saying, because your body language is so loud.”
 
There are, of course, great differences between dogs and us in leadership – and not necessarily in our favor.
 
Cesar said that dogs would refuse to follow dogs with negative or unbalanced energy, whereas humans will. “Animals don’t follow unstable pack leaders; only humans promote, follow, and praise instability…That’s because all animals can evaluate and discern what balanced energy feels like…We humans continue to follow the unstable energy of our leaders – which is why we don’t live in a peaceful, balanced world.”
 
Calm-assertive energy

To achieve the calm-assertive energy, Cesar says that you have to get your emotions and your intentions to line up in harmony. “If you are ‘acting’ tough, but inside still feeling terrified, your dog will know it instantly. Your boss might not, but your dog definitely will. When your insides and your outsides conflict, you are powerless in the animal world,” he writes.
 
Cesar explains how to improve your approach: “…our human minds are incredibly powerful tools, and with the power of intention, we can actually change our feelings – not just on the surface, but from the inside out.
 
“If you can positively project the intention you desire through real strength and honesty, your dog will instantly react to that calm-assertive energy.”
 
My guess is that the people around you will react the same way to your calm-assertive energy.
 
Please give it a try, but don’t even think about faking it. Your dog is watching.