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Communications

5 Ways to Stop Talking So Much

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about themselves, and small people talk about others.

–– John Maxwell

 
Everyone knows someone who can’t shut up. They’re constantly talking, rarely listening, and don’t know when to stop. Whether during a job interview, presentation, or a conversation with the boss, they just go on and on. 
 
In a recent Wall Street Journal article about talkaholics, Aqua America’s chief executive Christopher Franklin described a job interview in which a woman spent twenty-five minutes answering his first question, followed by another twenty-five minutes on the second one. “I felt like I was being filibustered,” he said. “There should be no need for verbal diarrhea.” Needless to say, no job offer was extended to her. 
 
The problem is that people learn to tune “talkaholics” out, and after a certain point, will stop listening. In today’s information society, attention spans are shrinking. In the 1970’s, the average person saw some five hundred ads a day, and today we see at least five thousand messages a day.
 
Instead of a couple of channels on TV, we have access to hundreds of channels and streaming services, which puts hours of media at our fingerprints. A Microsoft study in 2015 found that people lose focus after about eight seconds, while a goldfish has an attention span of nine seconds. 
 
There are many different types of people who fall into the talkaholic category, but here are a few I've seen in my work as a communication coach:
 
Ms. All About Me –– These people talk incessantly about themselves and rarely give someone else the chance to speak. It’s always about them. 
 
Mr. Redundant –– This man (or woman) is repeating the same lines, in the same conversation, and repeated conversations.
 
The Know it All –– This person has all the answers and is certain that these are the right answers. He’s going to tell you, whether you asked or not.
 
Captain Obvious –– He or she is saying stuff that everyone already knows. Obviously. 
 
If you've been accused of talking too much, or some of this profile seems to fit you, you might be limiting your effectiveness.
 
Too much talk can hurt your personal brand because it gives the sense that you’re not tuned in. Everything you say just becomes noise, as people tune you out.
 
With that in mind, here are a few tips for overcoming the tendency to speak too much:
 
1. Develop awareness
The first step to solving a problem is to become aware and pay attention. Self-reflection is an important part of growth. If you’re unsure as to whether you struggle with talking too much, ask trusted colleagues or friends what they think. An outside perspective can help illuminate potential weaknesses. 
 
2. Find your listening ratio
A listening ratio is the amount of time you spend listening versus the amount of time you spend talking. For introverts, this ratio might look like 20/80, spending 20 percent of the time talking and 80 percent of the time listening.
 
As I wrote about listening ratios, depending on the nature of your job and your natural inclination, you may find that you need to spend more time talking. For others, they need to concentrate on speaking less and listening more. 
 
3. Be prepared 
It is common to talk too much when you’re nervous or unsure of what you’re trying to say. Prepare your thoughts ahead of time so you stay on track and don’t veer off topic. It’s important to know exactly what you want to say in a presentation or an important conversation with a colleague. 
 
I recommend having one central message that you want people to remember and then develop three points to support that main message. This will keep your conversation clear, focused, and memorable.
 
4. Practice, Practice, Practice
For presentations and other important talks, it’s important to rehearse what you’re going to say. Try using your phone to record yourself and play it back to see if you’re staying on topic. Try challenging yourself to make the point in one minute, then thirty seconds. 
 
The more you strengthen your message and cut out the unnecessary fluff, the easier it will be to convey your point. And the more you practice, the more comfortable you will become with delivering a concise message. Here are other methods to rehearse your talk.
 
5. Less is more 
Mark Twain once quipped, “I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.” Less is more when it comes to speech. Since people lose focus quickly, their attention is more likely to be held by a short, concise message. 
 
On November 19, 1863, a famous orator by the name of Edward Everett gave a 13,607-word speech that was two hours long. It was followed by a two minute, 272-word speech given by Abraham Lincoln; the now famous Gettysburg Address. Everett later told Lincoln, “I wish that I could flatter myself that I had come as near to the central idea of the occasion, in two hours, as you did in two minutes.”
 
A main idea can be conveyed in two hours or two minutes. It takes more work to be brief, but you’ll enjoy the many benefits of being a person who is heard and understood.
 
What about you?
Are you, or someone you know, a talkaholic?
 
Have you thought about your listening ratio? If you talk 80 percent of the time, try listening 80 percent of the time and see if you get different reactions and results. 
 
I'd love to hear your thoughts and stories about compulsive talkers. Just hit “reply” to talk with me.
 
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The Secret to Getting What You Ask For 

If you wish to know the mind of a man, listen to his words.
 

—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

There are times in our lives when we have to ask for something major— a “high-stakes” ask.
 
The request could be for a job, a donation, or even a life partner. In those moments we might become overwhelmed with anxiety, fear of rejection, and even diminished self-worth.
 
It’s Not About You
Why? Because we’ve made it all about us, instead of about the person we’re asking. 
 
If we ask the right questions and listen fully to the answers, it becomes a real, non-threatening conversation.
 
The secret to getting what you ask for is really listening to the person you’re asking. Everything you need to know is right in front of you.
 
My friend and associate Kent Stroman works tirelessly with nonprofit boards, staff, and volunteers. His Institute for Conversational Fundraising equips fundraising leaders to ask for larger, often multi-million-dollar gifts successfully. But his sage advice teaches all of us how to approach asking in every aspect of business and life.
 
Marriage Proposal
Kent told me the story of a very major “ask” he experienced: a young man who wanted marry Kent’s youngest daughter asked for Kent’s blessing. The young man said, “I can’t see myself going through life without being married to your daughter.”
 
The ask was successful: Jonathan and Monica married, established their own home, and are expecting their third child in December. Major gifts, indeed. ;-)
 
Stroman says the key to asking for something major is to approach it as you would any important conversation by asking the right questions and then listening.
 
When I say “listening,” you’re probably thinking, “listening, yeah, I do that.” But not many of us truly listen as effectively as we might.
 
In his book, Asking About Asking, Mastering the Art of Conversational Fundraising Stroman says listening is the most important part of asking.
 
“If you’re going to listen strategically, you have to ask strategic questions. After preparing and asking purposeful questions, it’s time to be quiet and listen. Indeed, if we are not deliberate about listening, there is really no purpose to be served by asking,” Stroman writes. 

Your Eyes, Ears, Mind, and Heart
Kent and I share the same approach on listening: to be effective, you should listen with your ears, your eyes, your mind, and your heart.
 
Stroman warns to beware of the temptation to manipulate a conversation into coming back around to your interests.
 
Kent offers these tips to aid in asking strategically and listening thoughtfully:
 

  • You need to have a sincere interest in the person. If you aren’t sincere, it shows.

  • Ask open-ended questions to encourage her to talk.

  • That person will guide you in the conversation.

  • Most people want to express themselves and have a lot to say.

  • You should be about “their needs, their vision, their timing, and their preferences.”


Finally, Kent offers this guidance, “If you want insight into someone’s head, ask data questions (facts); but if you want a glimpse into their soul, ask heart questions (feelings).”
 
How Well Do You Listen?
So, how well do you listen, especially when you’re asking for something important?
 
In his book, Kent offers a five-point scale you can use to assess how effective you are as a listener:
 

  1. I do not listen to the speaker; I’m absorbed in my own thoughts.

  2. I contribute to the discussion but give no indication of having heard others’ comments.  

  3. I send nonverbal messages, such as eye contact or a head nod, to show that I heard what was being said.  

  4. I accurately refer to the other speaker’s comments in making my own statements.

  5. I show by my comments that I understand the meaning and feelings behind others’ comments.  


If you want a truly valid assessment of yourself as a listener, ask a trusted colleague or someone at home to rate you on this scale.
 
Whether it feels like it or not, this kind of feedback is, in itself, a major gift.
 
When you find yourself looking in someone’s eyes while they talk this week, think about whether you’re hearing, or really listening.
 
As always, if you want to talk with me, visit my contact page. I’m all ears. 

John
 
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How to Stop Saying 'Um,' 'Like,' and Other Filler Words 

How to Stop Saying 'Um,' 'Like,' and Other Filler Words

Working with a group of emerging leaders recently, we got into a discussion about filler words like, well, “like.” One young man was surprised when I had his table partner count the number of times he said “like” in his three-minute presentation (27!). He’s not alone.
 
We've all been there. Sometimes, in a meeting someone asks you an unexpected question that you don’t immediately know how to answer. As your mind searches for something to say, your mouth begins to speak.
 
If you were to listen to a recording of your response, it would likely include a few “ums” and “uhs” as you pieced together a response.
 
Or maybe you’ve been on the receiving end, listening to someone give a presentation that is littered with “ums” and “uhs.”
 
These are known as filler words. These are the occasional hiccups in language we find in everyday conversation. They happen because, linguists tell us, people speak 120 to 150 words per minute — or two to 2 1/2 words per second — in normal speech.
 
With that speed, it’s normal to have glitches in our sentences. Studies find that 6 to 10 percent of spontaneous speech has some kind of garble, including filler words.
 
Filler words in every culture
In fact, this is a common phenomenon around the world. Researchers find all languages have their own versions of “um” and “uh.” If you’d like to add a foreign flair to your next stammer, consider Spanish "eh" and "pues," French "eu" and "em," or even Japanese "etto" and "ano," to name a few. ;-)
 
Whether you have occasionally dipped your toe in the filler-word pool, or are completely submerged, and don’t even realize you’re wet, it’s in your interest to prevent these phrases from permeating your language.
 
Negative effects of filler words
That’s because the overuse of “ums” and “uhs” and "like" and other filler words may have negative effects on your communication, including:

  • Giving the perception that you are uncertain and lacking in confidence, thus reducing your credibility.

  • Distracting people from your message. They often end up counting the filler words or being so annoyed they tune you out.

  • Making you seem to have a limited vocabulary, like you don’t have the words to express what you want to say.


So, how do you learn to control these filler phrases?
 
1) Develop your awareness
It starts with developing awareness. Many people don’t realize that they rely on these filler words.
 
Others know they’ve adopted filler words but don’t realize how often they are saying them. You know these people. They use “like” and “right” and think they are using them sparingly, but in fact are literally (another of those words) using them like.every.like.other.like.word.
 
To bring this to people’s consciousness, some speech coaches will drop pennies in a metal can, hit a spoon on a glass, or use a clicker like those used in dog training. These noises are meant to bring awareness to the person while they are speaking.
 
In very severe cases, I may briefly employ this method. But in general, I find this negative reinforcement doesn’t correct the problem and undermines confidence for the speaker.
 
For more long-term success, I prefer a method I’ve used for years that is also employed in Toastmasters Clubs. Rather than constantly interrupting the speaker, someone simply counts and reports the number of filler words used.
 
A video or audio recording should accompany this so the person can hear when and how often filler words surfaced. It can come as a shock.
 
Working with the president of a large, Fortune 500 company, I once sat in the audience as he spoke for 20 minutes, without slides, to employees. I counted 46 times that he asked, “right?” He did not recall one of them!
 
Once you’re aware of the problem, here are some solutions:
 
2) Slow down
Learn to become comfortable with a moment of silence. We often use filler words as a crutch to avoid silence. When you’re under pressure a pause can feel like an eternity, but it’s not. A pause after a point gets the attention of your audience and allows them to take in what you said. It also lets them catch up with you and take a breath to get ready for your next idea.
 
3) Think before you speak

Some researchers theorize that we blurt out answers to questions because when we were kids, that’s what we did. We had to answer a question from an adult teacher or parent immediately, so we gave fast, unfiltered responses. As adults, we have to be more diplomatic and sometimes feel like we have to be perfect, so filler words appear.
 
To counter this, I coach my clients to do these three things, in this order: Pause. Think. Speak.
 
It may sound like I’m being funny or simplistic, but too many of us don’t do these. Most might skip a pause and start speaking while they are thinking, hoping that their minds catch up with their mouths. Then filler words appear.

4) Practice with intention
Try this with someone you trust. Put your phone on record and have the person ask you any questions they want. Pause as long as you need to, think of your answer, then speak.
 
At first, you may pause 30 or 40 seconds, but with practice, your mind will adopt this discipline and over time you’ll only pause for a few seconds before you come out with a well-constructed sentence. Listen to the recordings to continue to improve.
 
Think about great public speakers who effectively use the pause. It will seem awkward to pause in the beginning. But using this method after a while will train your mind to follow this pattern and the pauses will grow shorter, the thinking will grow clearer (and faster), and your speaking will be stronger and more confident.
 
5) Talk about an object
Another exercise I’ve used with success with my clients is to find an object wherever you are and talk about it for 30 seconds. Again, record yourself with your phone.
 
Try this: Spot a random object, like your computer mouse, and talk about it for 30 seconds. You can say whatever you want – but no filler words. If you have to pause, that’s okay, but keep talking about that thing. Keep doing that with other objects, too. You can do it in the office, at home, or anywhere. Listen to the recording and find where you’ve used the fillers. Keep practicing and you’ll notice your language will begin to flow more smoothly.
 
Now, think about yourself:
Are you prone to use filler words?
 
Or does someone you know use them and annoy you to no end? It takes courage to tell someone they suffer from filler-word syndrome.
 
There’s hope. We can all overcome our filler words with awareness and intentional practice. Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.
 

I love hearing your stories. Send me a note on my contact page so we can, like, talk directly. ;-)

4 Leadership Lessons from Self-made Billionaire CEO Sara Blakely

Don't be intimidated by what you don't know. That can be your greatest strength and ensure that you do things differently from everyone else.

–– Sara Blakely, CEO, Spanx


When we think of the most senior business leaders, we often conjure mental pictures of stodgy chief executives spewing numbers and corporate speak.
 
It’s unfortunate because leaders like these do not connect with their most important stakeholders -- employees, investors, partners, and others. By hiding behind the veneer of business babble, they deny people what they want the most from their leaders: authenticity.
 
This is why one of my primary missions in working with CEOs and other senior leaders on their presentations is to help them find and share their truth – their authentic selves.
 
Admittedly, there are many paths to success in business, but the best journeys are authentic.
 
It’s not an easy path. It takes determination and courage to push past the fear of being so real, but those few who are willing to do so become truly great leaders.

Spanx CEO Sara Blakely
A great example of this is Sara Blakely, who grew up wanting to be a lawyer like her father but was unable to obtain a high score on the LSAT. After trying her hand at stand-up comedy, she sold fax machines door-to-door before starting her company, Spanx.

(If you are not familiar with Spanx, the company says it sells “the largest selection of slimming intimates, body shapers, hosiery, apparel, and the latest innovations in shapewear for men and women.”)

Blakely is America’s youngest self-made female billionaire, according to a 2014 Forbes profile, which estimated her privately held company earned "over $250 million in annual revenues and net profit margins estimated at 20 percent.”
 
The origin story of Spanx is that Blakely was going to a party and didn’t want panty lines to show through her white pants, so she cut the feet off pantyhose and later patented the idea. While she possessed little knowledge about fashion or retail, in 2000 Blakely, at age twenty-seven, began her shapewear and legging company, investing her life savings of $5,000.
 
In 2013, Blakely became the first female billionaire to join The Giving Pledge, the campaign founded by Melinda and Bill Gates and Warren Buffett, which has the mega-wealthy pledge to donate the majority of their wealth to philanthropy.
 
Today, this mother of four young children continues to be an advocate for women through her Sara Blakely Foundation, which supports women in education and entrepreneurship.

Blakely’s path and approach offer unique leadership lessons:
 
1) Embrace failure
One of Blakely’s biggest lessons is to embrace failure, a lesson she learned as a child. In an interview with Entrepreneur, she talked about how her father helped shift her mindset:
 
My dad encouraged us to fail. Growing up, he would ask us what we failed at that week. If we didn't have something, he would be disappointed. It changed my mindset at an early age that failure is not the outcome, failure is not trying. Don't be afraid to fail.
 
Most of us don’t enjoy failing, even go to great lengths to avoid it. But the real failure lies in not trying. Instead of seeing failure as an outcome, try to view failure as evidence that you tried. As Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found ten thousand ways that won’t work.”
 
One of the ways Blakely leads her employees is through sharing her mistakes and encouraging her employees to do the same. Employees share their mishaps and blunders during these “oops meetings,” which routinely end up turning into humor-filled anecdotes.
 
While speaking at the Stanford School of Business, she noted: “If you can create a culture where [your employees] are not terrified to fail or make a mistake, then they’re going to be highly productive and more innovative.”
 
Blakely is especially curious about how the fear of embarrassment can hold power over us. If we intentionally acknowledge our mistakes and find humor in them, the fear loses power.
 
2) Don’t take yourself too seriously
New employees at Spanx are required to do standup comedy as part of a training boot camp. It encourages them to feel less intimidated and to let go while embracing fun as part of the Spanx experience. “I don’t subscribe to the fact that you have to act serious to be taken seriously,” Blakely said.
 
In honor of that playfulness, when Blakely first started Spanx, the packaging said, “Don’t worry. We’ve got your butt covered.” She has continued to keep her company – and its products – lighthearted and fun.
 
Blakely advocates using humor to capture a potential client’s interest. She has noted that even the name of her company makes people laugh.
 
Her previous experience as a saleswoman came in handy when she was growing Spanx. “When I cold-called to sell fax machines door-to-door,” she said, “I learned very quickly that if I could make somebody laugh or smile I’d get another thirty seconds before they’d slam the door in my face.”
 
While you may not be cold-calling in your day-to-day life, using humor can break the ice in most conversations. It helps to put people at ease and bring down their defenses.
 
Humor can also be a powerful leadership strategy, according to new research from Harvard and Wharton. People attribute confidence to those who are brave enough to tell a joke.
 
3) Be relentless
Sara spent two years trying to convince manufacturers to take a chance on her before a mill owner in North Carolina agreed to help her. He had been convinced by his daughters to take on this invention, which they told him would be a “goldmine.”
 
“I must have heard the word ‘no’ a thousand times,” she said. “If you believe in your idea 100 percent, don’t let anyone stop you! Not being afraid to fail is a key part of the success of Spanx.”
 
Blakely didn’t let the word “no” deter her from pursuing her vision. She continued to push forward until she heard “yes.”
 
4) Break the rules
While speaking to Stanford students, she recalled how she used a rogue tactic to get noticed at Neiman Marcus. Her products were in the back of the store, where few customers frequented. She bought envelope dividers and put Spanx around the registers, promoting greater visibility.
 
After management realized they hadn’t approved this tactic, the head of Neiman’s allowed her to keep doing it because it was so successful. From turning the undergarment industry on its head to trailblazing new paths for women, Blakely has remained innovative and forward thinking.
 
How about you?
 
What’s your view of “failure”?
 
Do you encourage risk taking with your team?
 
How could you take yourself less seriously?
 
Do you have an “oops” moment that you might share with others?

I so enjoy hearing your stories. If you want to share your thoughts with me, please visit my contact page and don't forget to sign up for my weekly newsletter, Sunday Coffee.

How to Speak from Your Heart

Speak your heart. If they don't understand, the message was never meant for them anyway. 

— Yasmin Mogahed


Whenever I speak, I make sure to practice what I preach: I tell stories to connect with people. I speak from my heart.

Speaking to a workshop of five hundred people in Las Vegas recently, I shared a story of a powerful experience I had twenty-five years ago when I was leading media relations for an insurance company in California.
 
Part of my role was to go to the scene of disasters and work with the media, which over the years took me to hurricanes, fires, earthquakes, and other tragedies.
 
Hell on Earth
My first major disaster was a scorched-earth fire that destroyed more than four hundred homes in the beautiful seaside town of Santa Barbara. It’s usually heaven on earth, but this day it looked like hell on earth – as if a meteor had struck the side of the mountain.
 
To learn the business, I accompanied a claims representative to the destroyed home of one of our customers. He was an elderly widower who had lost everything – all of his family photos and other possessions – in the devastating fire.
 
During my presentation, I choked up and had to pause while telling this story. I still feel his loss, all these years later. Because of the lights in my eyes, I couldn’t see all of the people in the audience, but I saw glistening eyes in the first few rows. A woman in the front row was dabbing tears.
 
I realized we had connected. My heart had spoken to theirs.
 
Winning hearts and minds
We often use terms related to body organs to describe how we communicate with other human beings. We are of like minds, we trust our guts, and our hearts go out to people.

Of all of those, I believe our hearts are the most powerful in making a connection with another human being.
 
That’s why, for leaders, we talk about winning peoples’ hearts and minds, not their minds and hearts.
 
With this in mind, I’ll offer a few tips for speaking from your heart to make a deeper connection with people:

Share yourself. We have to be open and risk vulnerability to receive the same from others. Be authentic. People want to know who you are. What experiences shaped you? What brought you here? What motivates you? In sales, we talk about developing feelings of trust as “know, like, and trust.” “Know” starts with sharing yourself.

Be personal. Talk like a normal human being. So often during talks, leaders will shift into “presentation mode,” being formal and stiff. Learn to control your jargon and relate to people in a way that shows you are real and open. In a world where so much is contrived, people appreciate sincerity and authenticity.

Show your passion. What do you love in your life or your work? Sharing that and displaying your enthusiasm will go a long way toward showing people your humanity. We can sense when people are excited about something, and we get excited, too.

In high school in Southern California, I had a history teacher who was an aviation enthusiast with a focus on WWII. He had small model planes hanging throughout the room. Though it was the last thing my friends and I would typically care about, by the end of the semester we were going to aviation shows.
 
Our teacher’s passion and stories won us over. I still love planes today. (He followed his passion and left teaching years ago. He hunts for historical planes that were lost and has made significant discoveries.)

Listen to people. When we are present in the moment, when we listen fully to others, our words will flow more naturally. For some reason, maybe because our subconscious takes over, it’s much easier to speak freely and fully when we’ve listened to what people want and need in the moment. I’ve found this to be true across the board – from large audiences to one-on-one conversations.

Tell your story. Perhaps the easiest and most effective way to speak from your heart is to tell your story.  This is why great leaders tell stories. As humans, we are hardwired for telling and hearing stories. They convey who we are, they teach us lessons, and they build trust. Stories connect us as people.

Sharing your story will build trust with the people who are most important to you and your success, and building trusted relationships is the key to success.
 
It’s not easy to risk vulnerability, to speak from your heart. It’s uncomfortable, but that’s kind of the point. Anything that takes you out of your comfort zone takes courage.
 
Or, as they say, it takes heart. So speak from your heart.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Just visit my contact page to share with me.

Building Feelings of Trust as a Leader

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
 
                                                               – Maya Angelou
 

In a training workshop with leaders in Chicago recently, I said something I hadn’t said before.
 
As I showed a slide with Maya Angelou’s thoughts, I told them that if they remember nothing else from our day together, this would be enough to transform their communication in business and life: People will never forget how you made them feel, and trust is a feeling.
 
If a leader can’t build trusted relationships, nothing else matters. And people make feeling-based decisions on whether they trust you.
 
This is particularly true of emotionally charged situations because they deeply encode themselves in our minds. Scientists monitoring real-time brain activity with MRIs have confirmed that we are tribal animals making emotionally based decisions.
 
Protecting our status 
At work and at home and everywhere in between, we have encounters with others. By the end of the day we remember few details but we recall how their communication made us feel.
 
Think about it from your own perspective:
 
What do you remember from all of the communication you had last week?
 
What do you recall from the CEO’s presentation at the all-employee meeting; from that call with your boss; from that personal conversation with your love interest?

Chances are you don’t remember the specifics, but you do retain the emotion – perhaps stress, pleasure, anger, joy, or regret.

That’s a huge part of why we remember few details but we always remember how others made us feel. Throughout the development of human history, we had to know where we stood in the group and with our leaders to protect our status as a member of the tribe. Look around your organization and you’ll know that’s still true.
 
 


Build or break trust
As leaders – and we are all leaders of influence in one way or another – our communication can have a powerful impact. People not only listen to our words, but to our tone and our attitude.

Together, these three elements give us the power to lift people up, to inspire them, or to wound them. All of these factors determine whether we build or break trust in our relationships.
 
If I ask you to reflect for a bit, I’m sure you can come up with something positive that was said to you by a parent, a teacher, or a friend that is still with you today.
 
On the other hand, if you’re like the people I coach, you can easily recall, and fixate on, a comment that was cruel or hateful. (One of the leaders in a workshop last year shared with me a decade-old comment a high school boy made about one of her facial features.)
 
We say we let it go, but the truth is we retain these forever. Right now, you can feel the result of that cutting remark from high school, elementary school, maybe even kindergarten.
 
You remember how they made you feel.
 
What we say, especially the negative, can last a lifetime.  It’s why we have to use this power with great care.  Instead, we don’t plan our communication and often blurt out what comes to mind in the moment. We may regret it later, when it’s too late.
 
How about you?
With your communication style – your words, your tone, and your attitude – how do you make people feel? Are you building trust?

Do they feel respected, or belittled?
 
Empowered, or micro-managed?
 
Engaged, or turned off?
 
As leaders, we should be more mindful. This doesn’t mean we can’t be firm or assertive, but we should be aware of the impact of our communication beyond our intended message.
 
Because they really won’t remember what we said, or what we did, but how we made them feel. And trust, after all, is a feeling.
 
Try to be observant this week and if you can’t figure out how you make them feel, there’s an easy way to find out: Ask and then listen carefully.